22 July 2006

A repost of a repost of a riposte: BigMuscle.com 3

Please don't read this.

A long while ago, I posted two installment about BigMuscle.com--this is the third in a long series of such online vomitus, which began as a sort of running critique of BigMuscle on BigMuscle. Needless to say, most people on that site didn't give a damn about what I was saying, but I got some nice comments on those posts from time to time, nonetheless. To get the proper effect, you should really read the first ones, but hey, this is the Internet, and I sure can't make you read anything you don't want to read.

Don't read the FIRST and SECOND posts.

16 April 2003

One way we can engage with the question of who we are is to think about our relations to another, to the other, if you like. And again, we might return to the question of jockeying for the other's gaze, for his glance, his stare, or his appraisal--however one may read that eye on one's body. But beneath this notion, like the submerged frozen mountain under the iceberg's salient tip, there is another question, a literal question in one sense, in that what we are asking, what we are always asking in our dancing before this other eye, in our dialogues and questions, in our choice of clothing, haircut, gym, and workout schedule, all which always have to do with love, and that question of love is formulated every time, is implicit in all our convoluted gestures, words, and sighs:
What do you want from me?

This question, and the ways we have attempted its answering, the ways we imagine it being answered, has everything to do with who we think we are and who we want others to think we are and who we want to think we are--which, of course, are never the same thing no matter how much overlap occurs among the three. But we do all this work because we imagine it is what the other wants, what the other wants from us, what we need to do, for example, to get all those eyes turned in our virtual direction, all those eyes listed in a Who Likes Me list that are saying, Yes. This much, here, this is what I want from you. And all along, no matter the satisfying frisson of that growing number of eyes rising like some thermometer measuring our heat, we never know what that thing is that has hooked the eye of the gaze. We never know what the other really wants. We always disappoint and are always disappointed.

Don't read the FIRST and SECOND posts.


GayProf said...

Are you hitting on me?

Luciferus said...

Why, what could you mean? lol.

bstewart23 said...

While we do always disappoint and are always disappointed on BM, it must be said that occasionally, when we send into trajectory a message or "I LIKE" based on certain criteria -- such as 1) "I would most certainly have sex with you, should you so desire to have sex with me" or 2) "I would most certainly have a few beers and cigarettes and trade intellectual volleys with you, should you desire to have beers and cigarettes and trade intellectual volleys with me" or 3) all of the above, notably absent the "I'd really like to work out with you, bud" criteria -- and it's returned with a reply either in the affirmative or simply recognizing the unique nature of your initial message of interest... well, that kinda rocks. And makes the ridiculous number of hours wasted perusing desirable bodies entirely worthwhile.

Luciferus said...

bstewart23: You know very well that that's not what I'm talking about. What I like about BigMuscle is that it's both more and less than a hookup site. It's by far the most "community-oriented" gay site of its ilk out there, and offers the chance to meet, even if only online, guys interested in the same things you're interested in, not just for, or even in exclusion of, sex. That said, most of the profiles offer only the blandest examples of self-representation. Your profile is one of the grand exceptions, of course.

That said, these posts are about the dynamic of online desire as an example desire itself, of which BigMuscle is a particularly salient example.

bstewart23 said...

I like your characterization of BM as "both more and less than a hookup site" (notably absent: "equal to"), with which I completely agree, in my experience, at least. And of course I know you weren't talking about that; I was merely sharing how my desires, online and otherwise, were very much fulfilled by my BM experience. The "bland examples of self-representation" very quickly fall off my radar...

Two minor PSes: Sincerest apologies for fucking up my previous comment's web page link (way to self-represent, Brett!). Also, the "word verification" for this comment was "PhD HQ". Heh.

buff said...

Bigmuscle and bigmusclebears are sites for guys who are muscular and who like muscular guys. Beefyboyz is more of a buddy site and a "world". These guys are much more socialble and huggable.

But both BM and BMB are super sites. It all depends on one's likes and criteria. I find myself being quite popular since I am both muscular and hairy. But never take these sites too seriously.

It is all fun and lust. But I always offer big hairy muscle hugs to every guy who writes me. And hell, I've even given some in person.

Daddyhunt is a far more friendlier site. If you like real hot guys without the so called "baggage", try this one. Guys4men and bear411 are also awesome sites.

Crusoe said...

Maybe gay men have a particular predliction for projection? The internet is a fantastic staging-ground for wild cathexis and fantasy. It's extremely fun to float around in that undifferentiated place in your mind, far from the necessary limitations and disappointments of reality. On the other hand, you can never step outside that little realm. As soon as you step outside the air-conditioned room, the blast of heat hits you (to choose an apt metaphor of today August 1!!) and you realize what a total disappointment all that internet fantasizing turns out to be.

For example, I have spent probably 2 hours of this day fantasizing about you and who you are, but I'm sure it bears little relation to reality. Which doesn't mean you'd be disappointing -- I'm sure you'd be stunning, because you'd be other than me -- and all those fantasies are (in one disguise or another) the same shadows who follow us everywhere.

Anyway sorry if this went on incoherently! I like your blog. :-)